Trapped

Sage:

Disclaimer: This content contains graphic depictions of violence, gore, panic-inducing themes, sexual content, and other mature themes. Some scenes may be extremely disturbing. Listener discretion is strongly advised.

Roman:

This content is a work of fiction created solely for entertainment. The authors and affiliated parties do not endorse or encourage any actions, behaviors, or attitudes depicted within the story.

Sage:

All opinions and statements expressed by characters are entirely fictional and do not reflect the views or beliefs of the authors or affiliated parties. 

I Can’t Stop Dying Series. Book 1, Dream. Chapter 1, Trapped. Part 1.

Imagine… an emptiness. A dark, vast, all consuming nothing. You’re floating, lost, without memory, without form. Searching... For something. For anything. Then- 

Roman:

A spark. A small, bright glow in the distance. It flickers… Pulses… At first it's just a speck. Then, It starts to grow, and as you drift closer… Closer… Closer… You can hear it. You can feel it. It’s calling to you. It feels... Familiar. And then… 

You’re here.

Sage:

I… can remember… My brother. Very kind, stubborn as a mule. Often too confident for his own good. We used to spend our time roaming the city like it was our very own stone kingdom. Every alley was a castle, every rooftop a battlefield. We practically chased the sunset everyday... But where is he now?

Roman:

I remember… My parents. They were good souls; hard working, intelligent and kind. They were often absent though, working small labor jobs here and there to keep food on the table; but when it truly mattered, when push came to shove, they always found a way to be there. Pulling their children close, planting a kiss on their cheek, and whispering-

Iris:

"Everything is going to be okay"

Roman:

One phrase in particular stands out in my memory; something my mother had said more times than I can count. It came with a steady gaze, stern yet warm, and a voice soft as dusk.

Iris:

"No matter what you’re going through, always remember: the meaning of life is to be."

Sage:

I remember… a bond. The kind of bond that roots itself so deep, you don't even notice it until it’s the only thing keeping you standing. The feeling of knowing that someone will always be there for you, no matter what happens. But one day, something did happen… something that I can't remember. Something that tore me away, back into that dark emptiness, and as all my memories spiraled along with time into the darkness, suddenly I was somewhere else.

The cold wind screams a loud howl through the window behind me, an omen of the oncoming storm as the crisp, wet air fills my lungs, and the smell of distant rain and nuanced scents of the forest run through my nose. The soft bed underneath me morphs to cradle my shivering body as I shift. Then, all at once, it hits me:

"I didn't get into a bed last night."

Roman:

"Hey, who are you?"

Sage:

Startled, I jolt upright, smashing my head against the wooden headboard behind me with a dull thunk. Pain pulses at the back of my skull as I blink through crusted lashes, struggling to focus on the man standing across from me, arms crossed, unmoving. A faint silhouette in the dim light, breath fogging faintly with each exhale. After only a moment my eyes catch up, revealing a maple-skinned man standing confidently over me, no younger than 20. His sharp blue eyes pierce down at me with a cold, watchful expression.

"W-What?"

Roman:

"I said who are you" 

He wipes his eyes and squints at me, before rubbing his shoulders to warm them. His abyssal dark brown irises struggle to focus so soon after slumber. I debate leaving him here, but it’d be nice to have a team for this place. Besides, I might be short, but if push comes to shove, I still easily outrank him in strength.

Sage:

My mouth opens to respond, convinced that Im about to be hurt… or killed…. but all that comes out are weak dribbles of sound, useless utterances that fall to the ground as soon as they leave my lips. What I want to say is my name… but for some reason, I can't seem to find it.

Roman:

"Listen man, you better start talking or were going to have a problem"

Sage:

"No! Yeah, I- hold on…" 

I lift one hand in defense while the other pushes several long strands of brown hair out of my face, a few slipping across the corner of my mouth. Trying to remember where I’m at, I glance around the small, dusty room. Wooden floors and faded walls, once painted with vibrant splotches of orange and white, now rustic and faded. Ahead of me hangs a large painting of various matte blues and browns to make a picture of an eagle. To my left, next to the man, is an old wooden side table, barely standing on its chewed up wooden legs. Then on the wall to my right, all the way down towards the far corner, is a rusted and bent circuit breaker box. I squint while I try to think, I-I know I remember this place, but… for some reason… This room… My name…

"Oh fuck…"

Roman:

All at once, his mouth pulls down his thin mustache in unabashed horror, as if hed just realized his own mothers dead. The skin on his pale face somehow turns whiter. I wait… Giving him time to think. The floorboards creak as I shift in discomfort, a sound that cuts sharply through the silence. Still, I can't shake the worry that I know whats going through his head. That he's just as deep in the mud as I appear to be. Finally, through a small plume of breath in the cold evening air, I ask hesitantly, afraid that I already know the answer. 

"What is it?"

Sage:

"I… I can’t remember anything…"

Roman:

"Damn…"

We wait in silence. He looks like a man rifling through empty drawers, trying to find something he swears he left right there. Twenty, maybe thirty years of life gone from the looks of him. I don't tell him this, but… I can’t remember much either. If I hadn't already been tripping over myself about this for the past ten minutes, I’d probably be falling apart just like him. Just as I was when I woke up alone on the couch in the other room. 

"It’s fine."

I say finally breaking the silence.

"Cmon, we need to try to figure out what’s going on. And don't bother with the lights, none of the switches work in this place."

Sage:

He turns towards the door in the far left corner, walking away with the quiet confidence of someone who’d learned long ago that height wasn’t needed to cast a long shadow. He gives the light switch next to him a couple of flicks for good measure, before nodding his head in acceptance of the darkness before raising an arm towards the door. His muscles tense as he calmly forces the old door open with a loud crack. The door groans, rhythmically squealing on its hinges before resting against the wall next to it. I look down to see what time it is, but my watch is gone, leaving behind a tan line and single hair tie. I get up and follow behind him, our echoing footsteps moving in tandem, the floor creaking in the stale silence. As I pass through the doorway I go to grab the hair tie and put my hair up… But then… Deja Vu…

As I look around, my body locks up like a deer in headlights. The cloudy afternoon light slants through a grimy crooked window, washing the living room in a soft amber glow.  The front door is down a short hallway to the right, and the kitchen should be the opening to its left, across from the bathroom. I definitely know this place, I just can’t remember where from.  After finishing the task of containing my hair, I turn left to look out the window above the couch, to an all too familiar forest in the backyard.  

"Um… do you live here?"

Roman:

"Um… yeah- I mean no. No. I dont know, I cant remember anything either"

He shifts his gaze from the forest in the back to meet mine. His brows tighten a little, a subtle but noticeable sense of worry written on his face. A worry that starts to seep into me, bringing back the fear I’ve tried so hard to subdue.

"Let's just start the fireplace and try to make a plan."

Sage:

My stomach churns. I nod, trying to hide the dread pressing down on my ribs. I stand there staring into infinity as thoughts invade my mind, as fear washes my body. After a few quick steps, I lean into the old and faded leather couch as it sinks in, cradling my body. Trying to collect myself, I kick my feet up on the wooden coffee table in front of me, and clasp my hands over my eyes as I lay back and think: Can I trust this man? Hard to tell right now…

"Hey… Have you figured anything out yet? About where we are I mean"

Roman:

I walk past the table to the wood neatly stacked against the far wall, and place a couple in the fireplace next to it. Theres a stack of papers and smaller wood in the corner of the room that I use to get the fire going, along with a box of Firestone matches I got from the fireplace rim.

"No. Not really. I woke up here, tried to remember something, anything, but it was like trying to grab smoke. You ever have a word on the tip of your tongue that just won’t come out? That’s what it feels like. I haven’t searched outside yet, but from what I’ve seen, it’s just… a desolate little town swallowed by forest. As far as I can tell, we're alone."

I sit beside him, the flicker of firelight dancing across the wall mounted TV; black, lifeless, flickering back our reflections.

"Say… who do you think we are without our memories?"

He looks at me, then back down between his feet to stare blankly in thought. After a moment he nods slightly, and his near-black eyes settle on me gently before speaking.

Sage:

"Alone."

Roman:

"Alone?"

Sage:

"Yeah. Imagine… a baby. Just born, still wet, shoved violently into using two breathing organs hed just now discovered were actually necessary, feeling a kind of cold he’d never known even existed until now. He’s terrified. He’s alone. Then, even when he does find his mother, as a deep sense of relief washes over him - even then, he’s just gotta hope that this person is going to help him. He’s just a confused little dude, all alone in a big confusing world."

I look at him expecting a response, but he just looks down, scratching his five o'clock shadow while he thinks.

Roman:

"Yeah but… Is that baby really anybody? I mean… If he has no experience to make decisions off of then really who is he?"

Sage:

"You keep saying stuff like ‘who is.’ What’re you saying makes a person who they are?"

Roman:

"Nono that’s my point. I used to think it was my memories that made me me but… I still feel like me. Am I really just like a baby now?"

Sage:

"Well… you clearly remember some stuff, like-like English, and the fact that you used to think about these things, but… I don’t think we are our memories."

I lean forward out of reflex, pulling strings in my mind that I know should lead somewhere, but instead tug into a vast emptiness that refuses to let go.

"I think… I think there’s - something deeper, that-that makes us make decisions, whether or not we remember anything at all."

With a deep breath, he runs his anxious fingers through short, thick brown hair. Finally one of his eyebrows raises and he says-

Roman:

"You mean like a soul?"

Suddenly his eyes light up, and he nods his head in agreement.

Sage:

"Yeah… Yeah something like that."

Roman:

"So then, memories would affect the decisions that the soul would want to make."

Sage:

"Yeah… Yeah I feel like we’d be sort of fighting them. Like our memories and experiences fight to change us, but we can try to decide what we let affect us and what we should try to let go of. Sort of like we're always fighting what’s inside us, trying to stay who we really are inside. But also… like s-some people don’t realize that they have that decision. Some people just let themselves grow up into whatever the world has made them become."

Roman:

I digest his words for a moment then formulate my response, but when I go to speak, Im interrupted by a knock at the door. Almost like our heads were magnets, we both dart our eyes towards the door, then before we can do anything else, we hear a voice.

Girl:

"Hello?"

Roman:

The first things I think are ‘the military is at the door to tell us we’ve failed their memory experiment’ or ‘we’ve landed ourselves a good knock to the head during the apocalypse, and were about to be killed and looted.’ But I quickly gather myself, and quietly rush to the door. Through the oval window, a silhouette stands framed in the low evening sun; a short woman, about my age, shivering in the cold. 

Girl:

"P- please- please let me in"

Roman:

I glance back, he shrugs his shoulders, and I hesitantly open the door. The first thing I notice is that she looks terrified. The next thing I notice is her oppressive beauty, and immediately I’m absorbed into her intense, emerald green eyes.

Sage:

I back into the bathroom to clear space in the narrow hallway, but he stands there, frozen; His bright blue eyes locked onto her like he’s under a spell. After a moment, he snaps out of it and quickly steps into the kitchen to let the stranger in, awkwardly scratching the back of his head.

Roman:

She passes me swiftly, her long brown hair swaying in the draft behind her slim thin figure. That's when I notice… Like a diamond pendulum following her stride, with every step something sparkling bounces against her chest: A silver butterfly... Where have I seen that before?

Girl:

"Um… hi?"

Roman:

"Oh uh, hi. Sorry"

Sage:

"Hey, um...Who are you?"

Her bottom lip trembles a bit before she speaks.

Girl:

"I dont know… I-I just woke up outside, I promise. I kept hearing noises, and I got scared so i just started checking doors"

Roman:

I glance down at her right side; covered in dirt.

"Did you find any other people?"

Girl:

"No, its like everyone just freaked out and left; most of the houses I checked were a scattered mess"

Roman:

Me and him trade a look. No words are shared, but the meaning is clear: our situation is worse than we thought… Come to think of it, if other places are a scattered mess, why isn’t this place in disarray?

"Lets assume the worst, and say that we're going to be on our own for a long time. At some point we’ll need food, do you live anywhere around here?"

Girl:

"I dont know, I… really I can't remember anything… I don't even feel like i'm supposed to be… I don't know, me? Guys I-Im really freaking out, I d-"

Roman:

"-Hey…"

Instinctively, I grab her shoulders and look into her eyes... She looks back… and I know I've done this before…

Girl:

"Im scared-"

Roman:

"But I’m here now… It’s going to be okay… Just trust me, alright?"

Her jaw quivers, a tear falls from her pleading eye before rolling over her cheekbone, and quietly she nods her head.

Girl:

"Do… do you know what's happening to me?"

Roman:

"No… no we don't remember anything either. But well figure it out together, okay?"

Girl:

"There, there it is again, that sound!"

Roman:

Sure enough, something echoes through the house. Distant, but powerful. Too rough to be human, too far to know if it was an object... or something else.

"We need to go. Right now, I think we should focus o-"

I stop mid-sentence. From a smaller hallway, between the bathroom and the bedroom, a flicker of purple light glints from between the floorboards. A wink of color. Gone just as quick as it came.

"Hey, I think I saw something down there."

Sage:

We all kneel down next to each other, and start examining. The boards are warped and splintered, dry with age; Then-

Girl:

"Hey, look!"

Sage:

She has her fingers pressed into a small gap between the boards. She tries to lift and the board budges just a little, but then it sticks. After she motions for me to try, I wedge my fingers in, forcing just enough grip to lift. With a sharp groan, the section of floor tilts up and crashes against the wall on the left, revealing a dark, dust choked staircase descending below. The air that spills out smells... old. Like rust, and dampness.

Roman:

I peer down the staircase with cautious curiosity, the steps descending into the mouth of a shadow. From this angle I can make out a small room to the right with papers scattered across the floor, barely illuminated by the sunlight bleeding through the cracks between the wood panels above. Each step groans beneath my feet as I make my way down. The light switch, of course... doesn’t work. At the bottom I trail my hand along the cold, sweating stone of the wall, the condensation coating my fingers. The air down here is thick, like it’s holding its breath. To my right through an ocean of swirling dust, I spot a bookshelf; and beside it, a table. Above the table hangs a painting of a raven. 

Sage:

"Anything interesting?"

Roman:

"No, not yet, let me see."

I move towards the dark stained bookshelf, my eyes flick over the dried plants and crystals, tucked between old jars and small, occult-like trinkets. I hear the other two trailing behind me, creaking their way down the stairs, and I turn to look at the table. The table itself isn't very remarkable, but atop it lies a string, a few small candles, and an uncomfortably familiar small blue stack of papers, bound together with a thin rope. I go to pick the book up, then in my ear.

Sage:

"Oh my god…"

Roman:

Startled, I thrust my head to the right where he stands, eyes wide and staring at the book.

"What is it?"

I look back down, and I see it too… the symbol on the cover. A circle, sliced in three by an upside down "V".

Sage:

"I know I've seen this book…"

Roman:

He says through a distant expression.

Sage:

"...She made it for me…"

(Redacted)

(Redacted)